Celebrating Uniqueness & Breaking the Bridal Industry Aesthetic
You are beautiful. Say it again. You are gorgeous. Say it as many times as you need. Whether that’s daily or multiple times a day I want you to believe it. The wedding industry as a whole produces the same (or very similar) content over & over again. Maybe there’s a slight twist but so often at the center of it all it is saturated in tradition & aesthetic that has been repeated for decades.
Not to go on a complete historical rant but a lot of these traditions & aesthetics roll over from unsavory times but because they’ve been shined up & appealing presented a lot of the general public doesn’t realize the connection to a traumatic history. There are publications out there who explicitly showcase unique & “non-traditional” weddings which is absolutely fantastic. Personally I believe we as a society need to blend these weddings into mainstream bridal media instead of it being an oddity or special thing. Of course there are vendors championing the cause as well & honestly a lot the change will come from them encouraging their couples to embrace uniqueness & celebrate quirks.
So lets bring this back to bridal beauty. Traditionally brides are told they are supposed to have an up style that is clean & smooth in a natural color with a veil. Clean natural makeup that looks like it could be believably naturally achievable. Why? It combines classic images of royalty & suburban “June Cleaver” housewives.
Curls were not encouraged because it was considered messy, unruly & too “ethnic”. Note that many of these traditions in America were literally created during the time of slavery onward so yes way back when if someone’s aunt told a woman to control her curls it was to create as much distance between her hair texture & any POC. Hence the tradition of clean, smooth updos began.
Why did updos get the favoritism over other styles? It showed you had the wealth to be able to afford a special style versus a down “working class” look. This did begin to change with some royals & consequently their influence as you saw a smattering of sleek, smooth down hairstyles that typically end at the shoulders. Hence why is was gossip worthy in British tabloids when Meghan Markle wore a loose messy bun . Gasp!
Natural colors because you were supposed to look like a “respectable” woman not a sideshow attraction. You were supposed to blend in not stand out. Granted fashion colors are relatively new in the grand scheme of things but when the idea of them being present at your wedding was under consideration pearls were certainly clutched. It clearly was against the tradition of what elder generations had been raised to believe a good wife should look like.
Veils? Well this tradition started when arranged marriages were the norm. Often the groom didn’t know what the bride looked like. So to prevent him from running away due to an unattractive future wife they kept her face hidden with a veil until the final moments. Bizarre & archaic right? Of course now veils can be gorgeous & just a pretty add on with no masogonistic tendencies but it’s the tradition of the “must have” that makes people buck the idea of omitting this accessory.
From the makeup side of things it was thought that you should have believably natural makeup. Nothing crazy or smokey because then surely you’re a harlot . No bright colors because you must be a freak or a harlot. Oh tattoos should definitely be covered with cloth or makeup…because if not you’ll look like a freak… or a harlot. Clearly society has some repressed puritan, anti harlot issues that strongly contradicts what a “respectable” woman looks like.
So why does all of this matter? Because this is what you’ve been shown on repeat & subliminally you been told this is what’s expected of you. I can’t tell you how many times I have worked with couples fighting to balance “tradition” & what they really want. How many couples that have talked down their own stunning features simply because it’s not what you see in so many publications. So many couples who have no reference point because it’s not out there even though they want to just be themselves. Don’t even get me started on the maze of finding inspiration for couple who are not cishet which all these outdated traditions were based around.
What can we all do? As vendors we need to support & encourage our couples to do their own unique things. We need to know how to help them celebrate their beauty & be a guide when they’re unsure. Educate yourself, especially as a beauty professional on all the various hair types, textures & styles. As publications… y’all need to show more of everyone . I want to see someone with visible tattoos, a bi-racial couple, natural curls, bold makeup & so much more. YOU are setting the reference point for couples & the industry so please be the role model we expect you to be. Couples… be fearless. Take a breath & remember this is your day. Don’t do anything because you’re “supposed to”. Do it because you want to. Also, if you coincidently align with the aesthetic that the industry has proposed because it really does match your style & likes- that’s A-OK! This is not to demean anyone’s aesthetic. If you’re happy I’m happy as long as it’s genuine.
Lets make a pact right now. I, ______________(insert name) promise to celebrate uniqueness, love myself & re-envision what it means to be a beautiful marrier shedding the stigma of outdated traditions. I will champion that one aesthetic does not fit all. Together we can break the bridal industry aesthetic & carve a path for all couples..
